I am finally ready to reveal all truths!
The large handful of people who accused me of being able to walk were right, I’m just lazy and wheelchairs that can’t access much of the world are a lot of fun.
I love the disability welfare systems, thanks to them my life has never been restricted in any way.
Healthcare is perfectly affordable and everyone gets a cure!
My feet aren’t actually upside down, I’m just a trained contortionist.
I colluded with healthcare staff from the womb without my parents knowledge, all scans and other diagnostic tools were faked.
College was perfectly accessible, I just chose to waste money because I could.
The K-12 public school system is why I’m still alive today.
Everyone loves me, I am a perfect human being who has never made mistakes.
Much like shelter animals, those with disabilities should be utilized as food.
Institutions like group homes are fun happy places completely devoid of abuse.
Happy April Fools Day!
I remember this being one of my late fathers favorite days. He would always spin a yarn that was believable and often enough he got his gotcha’ moment. I credit this for part of my sarcastic fun loving nature, and it has always served my mind well.
I say go forth and have fun with it, but make sure you’re not going too far enough. Lightheartedness is great for your mental health, fun is the essence of living, and you shouldn’t be afraid to poke fun at anything. Humor is an excellent coping mechanism that has saved my life in the past. So pull that stick out your rear and don’t be the stick in the mud. You too deserve to laugh, live, and love.
Yours truly,
The latest cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys